You ready?!

baby with dadOur son will be here soon. Probably soon than we expected. His due date is November 30, but Gabrielle is already three centimeters dilated. She learned that at her last trip to the doctor a few days ago.

So baby could come any day now!

The news of our son coming early startled me at first. Oh, we’re ready. Gabrielle, our family organizer, has made sure of that. We have diapers, a car seat, toys, clothing, and all the other baby essentials you can think of.

So we’re ready, but we’re really not. At least I feel that way.

I’m a person of routine. When it gets thrown off, I get thrown off. I was expecting baby at the end of November. I had mentally prepared myself for that for some time. I figured we’d have more time.

Then again, maybe I never would have been mentally ready.

After all, this is something totally new to both of us. Neither of us has had to care for a baby all day, every day. I’m not ready for the unexpected. If I knew what was coming, maybe I would be.

There’s so many questions that neither of us can answer at this point?

Will be good parents?

What’s it like to be a parent?

Will he keep us up at all hours of the night?

If so, how we will handle that?

How will we handle his crying?

Will he be healthy?

Will I want to vomit from changing too many stinky diapers?

Those answers will come in time. For now, we wait for a new person in our lives whom I know for sure will bring us happiness every day.

My favorite place in the world

home plateAs I write this, I am at an airport gate waiting for my flight home. I’ve been away for work for three days. I’m ready to be back home with my wife, son, and dogs.

I haven’t wrote about our dogs yet. Actually, they’re Gabrielle’s dogs. I’ve sort of adopted them.

One is 7. The other is 6. For the purpose of maintaining their privacy. I won’t share their names here. They’ll bite me if I do.

They’re good for the most part. I stress, “for the most part.”

We used a moving company in Buffalo, NY to help us move into our first home a couple years ago. For some reason the dogs didn’t like them very much. They growled quite a bit.

Otherwise, they’ve always been friendly around all manners of people. The younger one loves humans and really enjoys affection. He used to climb up on the couch all the time and lay right on top of me. My wife put an end to that, because: “The dogs don’t belong on the couch.” Continue reading

An email from me to you

emailWhile Gabrielle and I were together but apart, we did a lot of our communicating through email. Sure, we spoke on the phone most days for at least 5-10 minutes, but our schedules often dictated that our best conversations were written and through Yahoo. Rare was the day that we didn’t email one another.

These days I work a lot with college-aged students. To them, email has become obsolete. They seldom respond to it. The best way to reach them is through text or a peer-to-peer social media platform, such as Snapchat. In some ways email is going the way of traditional letter writing.

While away for work recently, I emailed Gabrielle for the first time in what seemed like years. I was lying in bed, half asleep, and punched out 100 or so words on my iPhone. I missed her a lot and let her know. It felt good to email her. I know how much she appreciates hearing from me.

Our email interactions started soon after we met and started dating 12 years ago. Savvy as she is, she tracked down my email address without me knowing. I was surprised – not to mention very happy – to see an email from her the night of our first date. That was the start of thousands of meaningful email interactions. Continue reading

Happy Birthday to you!

sunset-hands-love-womanIt’s Gabrielle’s birthday today. If you’re reading, happy birthday sis!

I never know what to get you. It seems that nothing I think of is ever good enough. I want to do something special for you or give you something special because you always do so much for me.

I wish I could give you more time.

More words.

More energy.

More compassion.

More life.

More love. Continue reading

Finding something that makes you happy

happinessI thought for sure I knew what I wanted to do with my life back in the eighth grade. I was going to be a writer. A sportswriter.

I enjoy the creative side of writing. The imaginative side. The solidarity. In a small way, I liked that people would read my work.

I put all my energy, effort and heart into becoming a professional writer. I worked as a journalist for seven years at three newspapers. I loved the job most days. Oftentimes, I find myself dreaming of a return to those times again.

But reality always gets in the way. There was a reason – or a few reasons – I left that profession. The hours were long. The pay was miniscule. I worked most holidays, weekends, and nights. Newspapers were dying. I was burned out.

A good friend who is a plumber in Amherst, NY suggested that I look into plumbing as a profession when I was eyeing an exit from of newspapers. Sometimes I wish I had taken his advice. I went to grad school instead.

I have a job now with great pay, benefits and time off – the types of things I couldn’t imagine while working in the newspaper businesses. Millions would kill for what I have.

Yet, most days I find myself unfulfilled. The money, the benefits, the time … they don’t matter all that much. Sure, they’re pretty important to supporting yourself and family, but they don’t bring you happiness.

Continue reading

Change is hard, but change is good

Chhange is hard. Change sucks. Billy Madison’s transition to high school proves it.

I’ve seen that clip it seems like a thousand times and it still brings a big smile to my face. It’s the stupid things like this  we fortunately have in our lives to take our minds off the important things that stress us out.

My wife and I have endured quite a bit of change, and we’ve always persevered. We’ve known each other for more than 11 years now and have been married the last two. Every step of our relationship has been lined with challenges that we have had to overcome.

When I met Gabrielle she was only 17 going on 18. I was almost six years older. We were at very different stages of our lives. She was just starting college. I was working full time. I was ready for a committed relationship. She was not. Continue reading

Fatherhood awaits

father and sonThose you who have been following along know by now that I am going to be a father very soon. I know, I can’t believe it either. Old Losifer is going to be a daddy.

When I was in junior high and high school I dreamed about meeting the woman of dreams, having three kids together, and living the perfect life. Nice neighborhood. Beautiful home. White picket fence. Family dog.

My dreams have basically come true. How often does that happen? I wake up every day knowing that I am one of the luckiest people alive.

Being a father is the ultimate prize and something I never thought would happen – no matter how much I dreamed about it. Being half loser/half devil I never drew much interest from the opposite sex. I stutter and stammer when I try talk on good days. Just thinking about approaching a female made me want to crawl into hole and never come back out.

By the time I graduated college and got my first job, I figured I was destined for a life of being single. That made me sad. I was depressed a lot. I yearned for a partner in life.

That’s when I met Gabrielle. I was smitten by her beautiful smile. It roped me in and didn’t let me go. It was so inviting that even I had to act. I picked myself up out of the hole and asked her on a date. The rest of is history. Our first child will be here soon.

I hope I’m a good father. I hope I’m patient. I hope I don’t yell. I hate that I often feel tense. I hope that I can relax and enjoy our child. Continue reading

Welcome to Losifer

heartHello everyone out there in internet land and welcome to Can’t believe I’m live and ready to share my story with the rest of the world.

First off, glad you found my site. Second off, hope you enjoy it.

As I mentioned on the about page of this website, I will be writing mostly about my family — my wife Gabrielle and soon-to-be-born son, who remains namelss. If we can’t come up with a name on our own I just might solicit the populance of the world wide web for help …. so get thinking about it.

I hope to kill two birds with this blog (sorry for the cliche already). I enjoy writing and don’t do enough of it anymore. It’s relaxing to me and helps me unwind after a long day. I also want to share more with my wife. That’s really the main reason for starting this blog.

Gabrielle is my everything. You’ll learn a lot more about her as I continue to write. She was my first love and only love. She will always be only love. We’ve been married for more than two years now, and as those of you who are married know, marriage isn’t always easy. Continue reading